Holy hell. Today marks my anniversary of becoming a member of the RT site. Another year has gone by and its been exactly a year since I've posted my last journal. Really drop the ball on that. I guess I've fallen along the lines of most people who has really stopped being active since the site changed a year and a half go. Kinda bums me out a bit just thinking about it.
Anyways, this year has had its fair shares of ups and downs. The downs this year have only been my home life, which anyone who lives in a 3 bed/1 bath apartment with their family knows that it just sucks most of the time. Especially when there isn't a day that goes by that there isn't any sort of yelling. Besides that, just not having a viable means of transportation for leisure time blows. Hard.
The ups are the only things that have been the things that kept me smiling all year. From watching @Raf stream, becoming apart of @MaddyMonster 's SpaghettiFam, to going to local shows that my friends throw. RTX 2016 was fucking fantastic. Got to road trip with @cyclone956 and @CharlieJEcho to Austin. Getting to see all of my friends(lets face it, family) again and finally got to meet Maddy and @Shoban in person after knowing them online for a while was a great experience. Rooming with @ShopClass was the fucking best since we got both got some great stories to tell after that weekend. Going to the Jeff @williams Concert with Shoban, @HannerNanners, and @DrHairz was phenomenal. Meeting @Josho again, telling him who I was from his stream, his reaction and the conversation that followed was amazing. Continuing newly formed tradition of Domino's night with ShopClass, @sibertiger9, @sarlume and her kids going was amazing cause I got to make myself sound like a dumbass yet again. Seeing friends like @RandomRoger, @BALLSTIC71, @Xcalente, @rachyrock, @craftingcoop, @JetLe, @Outlndr, and everyone in&out of my friends list was great and made me feel like home. Even for a brief moment like @Giries. Also, all the hardstyle photos(To come at a later time).
Moment's like RTX weekend is what I will cherish the most and forever.
With all that said and done, with all the ups and downs, 2016 for me has been just a big eye opening and self realization more than anything.
This Friday I turn 26 and at that time I would still be working at the same job that I've worked for the past 3 years and slowly started hating. I'll still be living with my family in the same apartment I've lived in since I was in the 3rd grade. Still be without a car, to call my own, no interest of studying something that could possibly get me a better job with better income, and the always&most present still a fat guy.
Point I'm getting at is that at some time, this year or in years past, I've always said something that I wanted to change from THOSE specified things, yet I'm still here in the same spot. I've always said that I'm gonna change this or that, or that I'm gonna save up for something, look for a better job, yet I do nothing.
I don't really know why I've always held myself back. Most of the time I think to myself that I'm just that fucking lazy to do anything about it, but after a recent conversation I had with some friends after watching Rough One(which I gotta say, great movie) I think I know why it is that I've held myself back. Its fear.
Fear of things that are really out of my control. Fear of change, struggle, the unknown. I realize that I can't go on living like that. If I want to achieve all these things that I say I want to do, change, move on from I gotta just do it and whatever consequence(s) comes my way deal with when it hits me.
With 2017 just around the corner I want to just set up goals. Goals that I can slowly achieve and help me change as a person. The main ones being: lose weight. find a better paying or better hours job, save up for a car, move out on my own. In the new year, I want to at least accomplish 2-3 of those things. If I come short, well, all the more reason to try harder and keep pushing myself.
With all that said, I hope you all have been having a great holiday season, weekend, day, rest of the shit filled year. If you plan to celebrate the New Year I ask y'all to do it responsibly since I want to see your face at some point in the future.
Love you all and take care. (0u0)/ <3 <3 <3